Not so fast...

Well, I didn't make it into Round 2 of the #PitchMadness contest, but that's okay.  My MS (manuscript) is still out with an agent right now from whom I'm waiting to hear.  If she rejects it, I might just shelve SEVENTEEN until I have time and energy to work on it some more.  It's disheartening to have to say it, but I have to do the logical thing.  If I send it out to 60+ agents and none of them seem interested, then that speaks for itself.

On a completely different note, it's been interesting for me to analyze the reasons why I want to publish this novel.  Is it because I want "fame?"  Do I just want a creative career?  Do I want a way to make money?  If I'm totally honest, I would say it is a bit of all three of those things, though I'm really not big on the idea of fame.  Perhaps understanding why I want to publish this book will help me deal with the seemingly endless amounts of rejection that I've encountered. 

When I speak with someone about my novel, I'm pretty quick to say, "My ideal option would be to have the book published as the first in a series and then to write for a career while I stayed home and raised our children."  We don't actually have children yet, but I tend to think ahead about that sort of thing.  And staying home to write does sound wonderful, but is that how I would best serve my family and even more importantly, is that how I would best serve Christ?  For those who don't know me, I try to let my faith rule my life and decisions, and most of the time (when it comes to little things), His will is obvious.  But as for my career?  I have spent the last four years trying to uncover His plan is for me.  I've been waiting to find out ever since I received my Master of Education to teach history, and still I'm clueless.  Many tears have been shed over this.  I haven't found a teaching job, and writing doesn't appear to be working out.  So now I'm just sort of treading water.  At this point, I really don't care where He leads me, nor what He wants me to do.  I just want to go there and do it.  Whatever it is.  I want His will to be done, not my own.  My own will would be what I mentioned above, about staying home and writing and raising a family.  But what if that isn't God's will?  Then I need to be okay with that, even if it hurts and stings to realize it.  My faith and my life is in God's hands.  I'm so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them crash again.  It's exhausting.  Then again, the more broken I feel, the closer to Christ I feel, and that cannot be a bad thing.

After a fairly mentally/emotionally brutal day yesterday, I decided to take a few minutes after the students left to turn towards Psalms for guidance, and my eyes landed on Psalm 51.

"O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51, 15-17.

I guess with this in mind, it's not such a bad thing that I'm feeling slightly broken and in need of Him today. I'm so thankful for God's sovereignty and grace, and I will try to continue my patient wait for his guidance.  It's the only thing that I can really do, anyways, so I might as well do it.  And just to clarify - it's not that we have not been blessed or that we have not been provided for.  We have more than we need, even on a teacher's salary, and for that my heart cries out with joy.  Maybe that's what I should focus on in the end.  God has provided for us despite my selfish desires.  And maybe I am exactly where He wants me - waiting - so that my patience and faith can grow.  When I put it that way, it doesn't seem so discouraging.  It actually seems kind of nice.  Nothing that brings me closer to Christ can be all bad, anyways, now can it?

#PitchMadness Entry

Happy Spring... almost!  It's been a while since I've updated the ole' blog, mainly because I've been teaching geometry for the last couple of weeks.  Certified history, but teaching geometry... weird, right?  Anyways, last Friday marked the beginning of a somewhat crazy contest called #PitchMadness.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  Basically, anyone with a completed manuscript is able to email their pitch into the contest with the hopes of having their submission posted for agents to peruse within the next couple of weeks.  I, along with 350 or so of my closest... friends?... yes, friends, entered.  And because there is a new hashtag floating around Twitterland that allows other people to see your entries and comment on them, I decided to post my submission on my blog.  So, without further ado, here it is:

Title:  SEVENTEEN

Genre:  YA Fantasy

Word Count:  75,000

Pitch:  Hunted by the same children he wants to save, teenaged August has a major case of fight or flight.  Should he flee to ensure a future with Elisa, or sacrifice himself and challenge the Foundation?

Excerpt: 

CHAPTER ONE

And Saul said to David, Thou art not to go against this Philistine to fight with him:
for thou art but a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.

1 Samuel 17:33

Through no earnest intention of his own, August found himself awake and staring up at the network of rafters that weaved across the ceiling above him, joined together by the lacy netting of cobwebs and dust. The harsh, metallic clanging of bells rang to his right from the far end of the building, and even though he wanted to remain beneath the wool blanket that warmed him in an otherwise cold and sterile room, his body forced itself upright until his bare feet rested against the grit of the grey, concrete floor. Around him, other boys of various ages performed the same motions with almost identical timing and execution, except that they proceeded to stand when their feet hit the ground whereas August did not. For some reason, he hesitated, as if unsure whether or not he was still dreaming.

He ran his fingers through his short, dark hair and squinted his eyes as though he were trying to retain a dream that had ended without warning. Unfortunately, he could not remember anything, and he looked around the room hoping for a word of guidance or reassurance from his neighbors. They did not respond, nor did they even so much as acknowledge his existence. Instead, the boys changed clothes as part of a strange choreography that August had witnessed thousands of times but never really noticed. 

_________________________________________

Okay, I know that I shouldn't have used a rhetorical question in my pitch... I'll call that a work-induced brain fart. But there it is, folks.  It's been two years in the making, and I hope for some good feedback on it.

And thanks so much to the hardworking people who have made #PitchMadness possible... I know that was a ton of slush to go through, and regardless of whether I made it into the final round, I thank you for your time and consideration!

Work in Progress

Well, several days, three new chapters, a half inch of snow (IN ALABAMA), a car ride with the puppies, and a clean house later, I'm back to provide an update.  And the update is.... nothing has changed since last time.  I know.  Exciting, huh?  I still have several queries out, and one agent still has my manuscript, so I'm continuing to play the waiting game.  It's the most mind-numbing process ever, and because I don't want gmail to get angry with me for refreshing ever five minutes like I secretly WANT to do, I've started working on the sequel to SEVENTEEN.

Now, I had already written about 150 pages worth of a sequel last spring, but that was before I made major changes to the first book.  As such, most of those pages are fairly worthless, but they have some good ideas that I plan to carry over as I rewrite it.  It's pretty daunting to commit myself to writing a sequel to a book that hasn't even been picked up by an agent yet, BUT I feel the need to continue the story, so I will.  I've also begun writing down snippets of other ideas that might one day blossom into a full novel.  I don't know if it's because I've been stuck indoors since Christmas due to rainy, cold weather, or if I'm just having a God-given spurt of creativity, but it's pretty exciting regardless.

So anyways, sorry I don't have any news that is more exciting, but I hope to hear back from some agents this week.  If not, you can find me on Friday night with a massive margarita in hand.

Happy Accidents

Firstly, I stayed up until 2am last night reading Through the Ever Night by Veronica Rossi.  As much as I loved Under the Never Sky, I loved this one even more!  She's one of those authors who you read and then immediately feel bad about your own writing.  She has such a way with words.  It's ridiculous.  I bow to you, Veronica Rossi.  (And I may or may not have twittered her to tell her how much I liked the book.  Too far?  Possibly...)


Secondly, because my brain has been frying on non-stop book-related thoughts, the hubs and I decided yesterday was going to be a fun day.  We took our time waking up, played with the pups, and then hopped in the car and drove north.  The original goal was to just go over the TN state line (about 15 minutes from where we live) and buy a couple of scratch-off lottery tickets just for the heck of it.  Well, we got to the state line, and I didn't slow down.  I needed to see something new and to have a new experience.

15 minutes later, we pull into the downtown square of Fayetteville, TN.  Let me tell you, it was like walking back in time to the 1950s.  The square was gorgeous and rimmed with beautiful old buildings.  Everything was clean and just... Ever watched Gilmore Girls (my favorite show EVER)?  It was like walking into Stars Hollow.  And even better?  A lot of those old buildings were filled with antique stores!  I'm not huge on antiquing, but every once in a while, I get a hankering for it, and yesterday was one of those times.

So anyways, we ended up eating at a home-owned restaurant called Honey's, which was an old-school diner.  By the time we'd sat down in a booth, I was literally giddy from excitement.  We ate too much food involving chili and cheese and even shared a fried coconut pie (stupid, stupid good), and then we walked through the square and checked out some of the shops.  I found a vintage pyrex dish that I looove and that matches our kitchen (teal and white).  And then I found an antique store that didn't take debit cards or credit cards.  I felt like I was some demon terrorist swooping in from the twenty-first century trying to buy a couple of unique mason jars with my swipey card.  Oh well. 

I know it doesn't sound like much, but for two people who are only two weeks into the school year and are already feeling a little burned out from crazy students and crazy administrators, it was like a mini vacation.  It had a lot of the charm of Savannah (my all-time favorite city) without the major traveling time.  Perfect, perfect day.

And now for some photos, because I can:

I found this lovely flower in my garden today... just had to share it!  And now I'm going to go weep in a corner because we still have 2 months of winter left.

My honey at Honey's.  Hands off, ladies.  He's all mine, beard included.  Though you can have the purple sunglasses.  *Cringe*

 

 

Worst smile ever of me, but whatevs.

 

 

Carters are representin'!

 

 

I spy something creepy... and Fidel Castro.

 

 

Words do not even begin to describe how much I love this dog.  He's such a sweet, adorable little badass.

 

 

Lady Chloe, queen of the house.  She's the best snuggler ever.  And her nickname is "Fat Neck."  Don't judge.

 

 

My heart.  And his heart, I mean new guitar, hanging out in the man cave.

 

 

They are best friends.  I get stupid every time I see them snuggling like this and then I have to take a picture.  Surrogate children, for sure.

 

 

And there you have it.  Happy Sunday!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How this Works

On Monday, I did it.  I finally came out of the closet to all of my friends and family... the writer's closet, that is.  I figured that if I'm serious about publication, then I need to start building up a support base. A lot of close friends already knew that I was writing or had written a book, but I had always held back most of the details for what equates to little more than prideful reasons.  Writing is very personal - it reveals your passions, your concerns, your viewpoints on life, your weaknesses.  It's scary to open that up for critique.  But, it comes with the territory for those who want to write professionally.  So, I told everyone and the response was... unbelievable.  I never expected that much support or enthusiasm.  To say that I was blown away would be an understatement.  I was touched and encouraged like never before.

I'm sharing all of this to lead into the following:

The process to go from manuscript to publication is not an easy, simple one, as I think some of my friends might believe.  There are a few steps involved that require a lot of patience and vigor.

So far, this is what my path has looked like

1 - Development of the premise.  In my case, this was started with a dream.  It sounds cheesy.  Maybe it is, but that's how the novel came to me.  I wrote down the dream and let it percolate, and then I began writing.  (October)

2 - The first draft.  This was basically just a mad rush of writing in which I got everything possible out about the story.  Truth be told, it only took me a couple of weeks to write the first draft.  Granted, it was terrible and riddled with holes, but it was there.  (January - February)

3 - The first revision.  I went back through and started stitching loose seams together with dialogue and more story.  Then I let it rest for a few days.  (February)

4 - The second revision.  Ditto.  Only this time, instead of trying to start the third revision after only a few days, I set it down for about four - five months.  (February)

5 - The third revision.  I came back after a couple of months, read through the manuscript, and decided to pretty much completely redo it.  The same characters and elements are still there, but I took it from first person to third person and added a lot more action and dialogue. The result?  Not as bad.  Then I let it rest some more.  (July)

6 - Beta Readers.  I then asked several close friends and family members and a few other people who are nuts about young adult literature to read the manuscript and make notes.  This took a few months, and I got back the results somewhere in October, I believe.

7 - The fourth revision.  Taking the beta readers' criticisms in mind, I started at the beginning and retyped the whole thing, adding in elements, fixing dialogue, upping the romance, fixing the pace, and revising the beginning.  It now has no prologue and very little "slap you in the face" backstory.  Instead, the book now starts where Chapter 2 had begun in the third draft.  The result?  MUCH better.  (Thank you, lovely beta readers.)  I now believe that it is prime for querying.

9 - Querying.  In traditional publishing, the first step an author needs to take is to find someone - a literary agent - to represent his or her work.  You can't just take your novel and send it to Scholastic and ask them to publish it... it doesn't work that way.  So, essentially you take your entire novel, shrink it down to a few key points, and write a hook - something to get an agent interested in your manuscript.  This makes up the body of your query letter.  I have gone through about 8 different versions of my query letter, and I still tailor it specifically to each agent in whom I have interest.  Once your query letter is submitted to the agent, it becomes a matter of...

10 - Waiting.  At this point, I have had one manuscript request in the week since I emailed agents.  It can take an agent anywhere from minutes to months to respond to a query and another couple of months to respond to your manuscript after they've requested it.  It's enough to drive someone nutty.  I just emailed out another round of queries last night as well.  My goal is to cast my net as wide as possible without exhausting my resources.

Now, IF an agent liked my manuscript, this is what would happen.
1 - Most likely, I would have to make revisions to my manuscript to make it as publishable as possible.
2 - If the agent liked the revisions that he/she had suggested, they would offer me representation.  This costs me nothing at the time - they don't make money until I make money, and their typical commission is 15%.
3 - The agent would then begin to try to sell the manuscript to publishing houses.  Just because an author has an agent doesn't mean that the book will sell or ever reach publication.  The editors and houses have to be interested in the idea and see a market for it.
4 - If a publishing house liked the book, we would go under contract.  It would take another round or two of editing/revision, most likely, and then it would probably be another year or so until paper copies hit the shelves.


And there you  have it.  The whole process could die out at any moment or never even get brought to life if an agent doesn't like my work.  So, here's hoping that SEVENTEEN draws someone's eye and that they believe in the story enough to help me through the process.

Love and Peace

Well, after a tumultuous fight with Hotmail for the last ten hours, I finally managed to get to my inbox and find a response from the agent who initially showed interest.  And...

She said it sounded fabulous and asked for the manuscript!

I then proceeded to bounce around the living room by myself like a spaz (my husband was at the gym).  And then I called my parents and bounced while on the phone.  And then Evan got home and we bounced some more.  My legs are tired.

So anyways, once Hotmail decides to quit being a punk, I'll get my manuscript emailed to her and then spend the next several weeks trying not to give myself an anxiety attack.  How?  Lots of kickboxing, writing, fellowship, and general staying-busy.  Not to mention that in the meantime, I still have to hear back from seven other agents who I queried along with this particular one.  (I got a rejection yesterday, no surprise, from an agent who I was timid about but decided to query anyways.)

I am blessed.  I am thankful.  I am excited.  I am humbled.  I pray that this might be the beginning of something for me.  I have done a lot of waiting (patiently and impatiently) since I graduated with my masters degree three years ago.  I always thought that I would immediately land a teaching job and then that would be my life track until retirement.  Seriously - I had it all planned out for the next 30 years.  Only, God has taken my plans and thrown them into oblivion.  I didn't get a job teaching, and I still haven't.  Sometimes I doubt that I ever will.  Instead, I've had a few odd jobs, grown a LOT through those jobs, met a lot of interesting characters and made a lot of friends, had a dream in which the book came to life, wrote down the dream and turned it into a book, and am now waiting to see where the book will lead me.  Once I quit griping about how things weren't going the way I had planned, I realized that things were going much, much better than I could have ever imagined.  God has a way of doing that, you know?  So, my pride rests not with myself and what I have done.  It rests with God and his unfailing promises to do what is best and what is good.  I try to no longer pray for what I want.  I pray for what He wants to do through me and with me.  His guidance is more important than my whims.  I can't wait to see where he guides me next.

With that, I wish you all love and peace.  Good night, dear ones.

Done and done... sort of

So, here's an update on the writing/editing/querying process:

I weighed my options between a ton of agents that I've been researching and finally emailed nine queries between Thursday and Friday to agents who have represented some of my favorite YA books.  I completely revamped my query letter to make it short and catchy with the help of a former teacher and with a small prayer, I clicked send.  Now, considering that last year I sent out oh... fifty to sixty queries... all of which came back with a formed response that essentially said "no thanks" (which in my head translated to "awww, hell naw"), I decided to take it much slower this time.  Nine queries isn't too few or too many, and if they all come back with negative responses, then I haven't exhausted my list of desired agents.  At the worst, they all send formed rejections again, at the best I get an offer of representation, and at the worst, and somewhere in the middle, I get a detailed rejection with critical feedback.

But now for the big(ish) news.  I heard back from my first agent on Friday night (THAT SOON), and she had a question about the genre and wanted a synopsis of the novel.  After I quit jumping up at down, I sent out the info she had asked for.  I know, I know:  just because she asked for a synopsis doesn't mean that she's head over heals with my story.  She didn't even straight up ask for a copy of the manuscript.  BUT - she's interested.  This is new territory for me, and it feels pretty spectacular. 

Now to continue with the waiting game.  I still have to hear back from the eight other agents, along with hearing back from this particular one who has already contacted me.  I'm excited to say the least.

Hopefully I will soon start working on the sequel again.  I already have about 150 pages written of book #2, but it was written significantly before I made some major revision changes.  It's still in first person, as the first book was before I rewrote it in third person.  So, needless to say, there's a lot of work to be done with this.

Oh, and I also have another idea for an adult novel that includes a bit of time travel, romance, and weighty women's issues... strange, I know, but I'm excited about it.  Now if I can only find the time to write some more...

And with a flair for dramatics, I say...

Okay, so I'm a little late with this, but...

*deep breath*

I'm finished!  (With Draft 4, that is.)

Once I finally came down from my Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas-induced sugar rush today, I actually sat down and tweaked the last few things that I wanted to tweak, and now I think I can stamp draft four of SEVENTEEN with a big fat "Gotcha."

Now, I know I said I was going to have it finished by Christmas, but then life happened, and work happened, and the in-laws and out-laws and various other friends and family members happened, and well, here we are.  New Year's Day 2013.  I gotta say, it feels good.  I know it'll probably go back under the red pen at some point, but at least for right now - for the last twenty-eight minutes remaining of January 1, I can sigh with relief.

Now...

*another deep breath*

It's time to query.  Daunting to say the least, but exciting at the same time.  Last year, when I finished the first draft, I threw out approximately 20 queries (okay, maybe 30... cringe) all at the same time out of some sort of writing-induced, egotistical mania, and of course, none of them bit (mainly because the book was... well, garbage).  I feel in my bones that it is much better, and even just rereading through it tonight, I was impressed with how far it has come.  I'm excited.

So anyways, here's how a dream version of 2013 would go (in no particular order):

1 - book picked up by agent and publisher (Shoot for the stars, my dear.)
2 - family started aka pregnancy later in the summer (Nervous much?  Yes, why yes I am.)
3 - 5k completed (I had to throw that one in there for some motivation after stuffing myself with enough candy to fill the Willy Wonka factory over Christmas.)
4 - full-time job acquired (preferably teaching or writing)
5 - refinishing my bedroom furniture (gotta get it all in the list, you know?)
6 - a nice vacation with my sweet, bearded husband (whose beard resembles that of a dwarf from LOTR, by the way)
7 - learning to do laundry before I end up having to wash two months' worth of clothes in one shot.  (Disgusting, I know.  I HATE laundry.)

Seven things... I can handle seven things.  Not - take notice - resolutions, but things.  It's less intimidating that way.  Granted, most of them are HUGE things, but with the grace and guidance of God and with the support of my best friend and husband, I've got this.

Happy New Year to you, and may God bless you and yours.

Draft 4

Well, when I last left off, I had just finished Draft 3 sometime during August.  As you can see, it's now late November, and I have spent the last couple of months decidedly NOT writing.  There are a few reasons for this.  I spent the first ten weeks of the school year (until the end of October) as a full-time, permanent substitute teaching eleventh grade history classes.  I absolutely loved it, but goodness, it left me with no energy for writing, that's for sure!  It was such an incredible experience, and it was very difficult for me to hand the classes back over to the actual teacher, even if she is incredible. 

In addition, in my free time (especially since subbing is now less demanding), I have been doing what I like to call "research" about my genre.  Truthfully, though, "research" is code for sitting on my butt, snuggling with my puppies, and reading 20+ books in just a couple of months, most of which I have really, really enjoyed.  The Covenant Series, Under the Never Sky, The Scourge, the Mindjack Series, the Divergent Series, The Frost Chronicles, Haven... so many exceptional books.  And my favorite part about them?  They're stories that keep getting bigger and deeper and more dimensional.  There are sequels and prequels and novellas... and they feed in to my absolute love for epic series.  Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, The Chronicles of Narnia - just the tip of the iceburg.  I'd recommend any of the titles above to anyone.

But now back to the biggest reason why I haven't done much writing lately:  I've been waiting on beta reader responses.  Okay, so really only one or two in particular.  And the verdict?  It was pretty much what I expected.  It wasn't terrible, but some key issues were picked up on.  Things like backstory, believable teenaged dialogue, and more character depth are the biggest problems pointed out to me.  I know how to fix the problems with backstory - I had initially had more in the book than I do now, but I took some of it out for fear that it would bore the reader.  I just need to drop details into conversations.  There's also a bit of a romance in the story that needed a little work - also doable.  As for the dialogue, I can change some aspects, but due to circumstances, my characters really wouldn't know many coloquialisms.  Therein lies the struggle.  I'll figure it out, I'm sure.

Anyways, my goal has been and still is to have the final draft completed before Christmas which gives me one month to the day.  This shouldn't be a problem depending on how nit-picky I get, and I plan on getting very nit-picky.  That will give me a couple of weeks at the beginning of the year to let it sit again and then give it a final read-through to check grammar, spelling, flow, etc.  I hope to have some queries sent out by February.  That will be exactly one year from when I completed the first draft.  I guess we'll see! 

Completing the fourth draft and getting it queried is just one of a few different life-changing goals that I have planned for 2013.  One of the biggest (at least to me at this point) is a potential mission trip to Cambodia.  Human trafficking in that country has been weighing very heavily on my heart for the past several years, and I would like to do something about it.  I know that I can't go in and physically save these girls, but I can try to share hope with them through Christ.  I don't know if the trip will actually happen - it's something I'm praying over and about which I'm asking for guidance.  I just can't ignore the tug on my heart anymore.  I guess some might refer to this as a "calling," so I'm trying to be obedient and patient.   Anyways, I'll keep you updated on any extra developments.  Hopefully I should have some news on the book and on Cambodia by the next time you hear from me.  :-)

Transitions

After several late nights, early mornings, and staring off into space trying to figure out how to get my plot to work, I did it.  The third draft is completed at 73,000 words, which is roughly 9,000 more than my first draft.  The overall storyline has remained basically the same, but I've added a lot of elements to it.  I love how it's turned out, but now comes the true test.

I've given it to my first beta reader.  Beta readers are people who provide criticism for manuscripts before they're sent to agents or editors.  So who did I choose to read it?  One of my husband's coworkers - an English teacher and an avid reader of young adult literature who loves dystopian thrillers.  I sent her an email asking if she'd be interested, and she said yes, but that she'd probably be pretty harsh.  While this makes me absolutely terrified, it also makes me happy.  There's something unnerving about handing your manuscript off to someone who you know as opposed to some literary agent whose address you pulled off of the internet.  Your personality and thoughts are reflected through your manuscript, and to allow someone to critique it, it's pretty intimidating.  I know that she'll provide an unbiased opinion on it, and that's what I'm craving at this point.  So now I will wait until she sends me her critique before I look at the manuscript again.  The best thing that I can do is to let it rest for a while so that I can return with an objective point of view.

Fingers crossed, here's hoping for good feedback and workable changes.

Reading, Writing, and the Olympics

Hello, again.  Did you think I'd died after rejoining the gym?  Thankfully, I didn't.  Quite the opposite, rather.  I've been soaking up every last bit of freedom that the summer provides for teachers such as myself.

The past two weeks have been busier than usual, not that I can or should complain.  My sweet mother in law came to stay with us for a little over a week to celebrate the barage of July birthdays in our family.  I enjoyed having her around, not just as a friend, but also as an artist.  While here, she read the first third or so of my second draft and offered some advice and encouragement, which I really appreciated.  I've been dying to get someone else's opinion, but I wanted to wait until the draft was completed before I let my husband read it.  He's full of suggestions and ideas, but this time, I want him to receive it not as a participant, but as a reader.  I'm nervous and excited to see what he has to say this time around.

But back to my MIL.  In addition to being generally awesome company, she also volunteered to house sit Thing 1 and Thing 2 while my husband and I went to Chattanooga for a night to celebrate our 3rd anniversary.  It was an incredible, highly-needed mini vacation, and I think I'm still working off the pounds of food that I ate while there.  Seriously, I ate a lot.  If you ever get a chance to go to Chattanooga, make some time to go to The Terminal Brewhouse.  It's incredible.

Anyways, since we returned, I've been writing as frequently as possible, so much so that my neighbors probably think I've turned into a hermit since my car hasn't moved from the driveway in a week.  That's okay, though.  I'm making progress, and even stayed up till 3AM last night finishing the second-to-last chapter.  I know it probably seems strange, but I'm hesitating to write the conclusion, not because I don't like it, but because I dread the next stage:  Revision.  Holy moly.  The last time I started revising this book, I ended up completely rewriting it from a different point of view, and I changed several elements.  It's taken a couple of months to do this, and I can already tell how much better it is as I reread it and skim through the beginning and the middle of the book.  Here's the deal though:

It's worth the work to write the book that I picture in my heart and mind.  Some decisions are hard, and I just decided to drop the prologue that I had so pain-stakingly written and revised several times.  Why?  Because I don't need it.  I'm not big on taking every single piece of advice for writing fiction that's floating around on the internet, but I did listen to this one.  There was nothing important in the prologue that I couldn't work in to the actual book, so that's what I've done.  I'm also to the point where I'm trying to decide if I should delete a character.  I like him, he's got a noble personality, but is he essential?  I'm starting to doubt it.  I also need to sift through the pages and pluck out a ridiculous number of unnecessary words, primarily adverbs.  He whispered quietly?  No joke.  I don't want to be that person.

Another reason that I dread the revision process is because I tend to get overly optimistic about how GREAT my book is.  I did this last time.  I cranked out the story within a month, re-read it a few times and checked for errors, and then sent out query letters to a ridiculous amount of agents, who of course responded with a polite, but generic "no thank you."  I'm pretty ashamed, actually, and I don't want to do that this time.  I want to make sure that it's as tight and cohesive as possible, that the story is as irresistable to readers as it is to me.  So, I'll finish my second draft tonight, hopefully, set it aside for a few days to get a fresh perspective, and then attack it with a red pen and lots of notes.  Right now, it's just below 60,000 words, a little too short for my taste, but there's plenty of room to expand.

When I've finished the first round of revision, I'll hand it to my husband and maybe a few trusted friends who I know either read young adult fiction or write, and then we'll see.  Until then, wish me luck and give me a kick in the pants if you see me wasting time.

Ore-oh, no.

Drum roll, please.

Okay, that might sound misleading since I've been talking about publishing a book.

What I meant to say was:  I'm excited!  And here's why.  I'm finally getting back into a gym.  When I was in college, I worked out somewhat regularly and maintained a pretty decent physique (not great, not good, but decent).  Did you catch the use of the vague qualifiers there?  Anyways, I am officially the heaviest that I've ever weighed.  Ouch.  It's not really that bad since it's distributed on a fairly tall 5'9" frame, but still.  It's not cool.  I'm not saying that I want to be super skinny or look emaciated or fit into a size 2.  I'd just like to get back into my comfort range.  I know you're probably glaring at me through the screen right now, but it's important to me.  I'm tired of feeling self-conscious.

So what brought on this change in plan?  Several things, but primarily:  July.  July itself isn't bad, it's what takes place in July.  Cookouts, Independence Day, my grandmother's birthday, my birthday, my husband's birthday, my mother-in-law's birthday, my brother's birthday, our anniversary, etc., etc., etc.... To top it off, last night I threw my husband a surprise "Mustache Bash" birthday party.  It worked, and he was definitely surprised (to the borderline of scared, actually).  But the theme was... I'm a little ashamed... milk and cookies.  Milk mustaches, get it?  Even though a lot of people showed up, we were left with oh, only about 52lbs. of cookies.  Chocolate chip cookies (soft AND chewy), caramel cookies, double stuffed oreos, coconut cake, coconut cupcakes, and one lone smores cupcake.  Not to mention the gallon of chocolate milk left in our refrigerator.  (cringe)  For someone who LOVES sugar, this is a problem.  When put in front of a pile of delicious, sugary treats, my self control runs away like my dog from, well, other dogs.  She's special.  But seriously, I'd have major consumer guilt if I just threw them away (not to mention my husband might freak out), so I'm choosing to find pleasure in my long lost love of working out.

Okay, okay, the word "love" might be an overestimation, but... pleasure?  Enjoyment?  Satisfaction.  It's satisfying to exercise, so that's what I'm going to do right now.  God bless the teacher discount, by the way.  I do love that.  So here I go, off to the YMCA in my dusty Nikes.  If you don't hear from me in a few days, just assume that I've pulled my back out again or just keeled over in the middle of the gym.

As for now, enjoy a few Mustache Bash photographs.

Some of our friends.  I love them. 

Brie, my sister-in-law, and her fiancee Derek (along with our spazzy pups).  I love them, too.

My husband and me.  He's beardalicious.

The Skinny

Okay, well, as you can see, the blogging thing didn't really take off immediately as I had hoped.   I've been busy in my own little world, and I've been meaning to start this thing for real, but life happened and so, yeah.

Since October, I have managed to quit the previously mentioned physical therapy aide job, start subsitute teaching again, buy a HOUSE, turn 25 years old (today, actually), and.... I wrote a book.  Well, sorta... Here's the skinny.  Back in November or December (not sure), I had a very vivid dream of a chase scene while asleep one night.  I mean - it was awesome.  High leaps, cool weapons, great characters... even the name of the man character came to me in the dream.  I woke up the next morning and immediatley wrote it down, and then I left it alone for a couple of months.  I knew I liked it, and I knew a plot was formulating in my head, but I didn't really know what to do with it.  After the holiday rush had finished, I picked it up again and somehow managed to squeeze out an entire novel surrounding this particular scene.  It's actually a rather long (and somewhat painful) story...

I had just quit my job as a therapy aide, and I had not received many requests to substitute teach yet, so I literally spent anywhere from 6-10 hours per day writing this story.  It all just started falling into place in my head, so I wrote it as fast as I possibly could.  Well, within two months, I had completed this novel.  It was a first-person account of a science fiction mix of David and Goliath, 1984, and The Hunger Games, and I was proud of it.  So what does any naive author do upon writing his or her first novel?  Why, they try to sell it.  After a mere 30 or so rejections (buuuurn), a few bouts of hyperventilation, and a couple of finger cramps, I decided that it was in my best interest to set it aside.  I didn't even look at it for several months, which was partially because I mentally needed a break from it and partially because I got super busy with work... that is, until May 26 came around and school ended.

After staring at the notebook filled with my manuscript and a stack of rejection letters on my desk for a few days, I finally cracked it open and began reading it.  I hated it.  Okay, I didn't hate it, but it wasn't good.  I felt pretty embarassed, actually, that I had even asked anybody to read it.  Immediately, I decided that I wasn't finished with this book.  I sat down with a red pen and started to make corrections.  Turned out, the red pen wasn't enough, so I sat down with an open word document and started rewriting it from the beginning... even that wasn't enough.  Don't get me wront - the basic storyline is good (or at least that's what I believe).  But it was hollow in parts, redundent in others, and overall pretty weak.  I started completely rewriting it.  It's now in third person (phew - so much easier), and I've upped the stakes and am in the process of trying to turn my characters into believable human beings.  And it's hard work... much harder than the first version.  But it's also much better... not GREAT, but better.  So that's where I am right now.  I have approximatley 25,000 words completed, including a new title, new character names, new plot twists, and new overall direction.  Only 50k more to go!

I'm not going to lie - I'm excited about this project.  I love it, actually.  I've always loved writing, even when I was a child, and I feel like it's something that I can do well.  My problem (as I've realized over the past 6 months) is not that I lack passion or creativity, it's that I turn my writing into an idol.  I think endlessly about it, get my heart broken by it, and find myself retreating back into my house to write when I should be enjoying the world about which I'm writing.  It's an interesting conundrum, and I'm trying to juggle working on the novel with well... the rest of my life.  Cheese alert:  I truly feel like it has been a gift from God.  Without His inspiration, I could never have thought of something like this, and I'll stand by that statement, even if it makes me look a little goofy.  That's okay.  It's just one more thing to add to the list of self-improvement, including not being embarassed that I write.  Seems like a silly thing to be ashamed of, but I choke whenever someone asks me about it.  I want to get over that.  I want to finish my novel, revise it, probably throw it out and rewrite it again, and eventually get it as perfect as I can and then have the confidence to walk up to any agent in the country and explain my story without mumbling or turning red.  There are worse problems to have in the world, I know... I'm actually trying to write about them.  I just hope that 1) I can finish the novel and produce something that I'm proud of, and 2) that I would be happy with whatever the outcome: whether it gets published or not.

So those are my goals:  finish it and be content with the outcome.  I hope to share some more information about what I'm working on as time progreses.  As for now, since I have only 40 minutes left of my 25th birthday, I'm going to go snuggle with my husband and my puppies.  It's a hard life, I know.

The Beginning

Bittersweet October.  The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter.  ~Carol Bishop Hipps

So, today is the first day of October, and (as with any other year) with the changing of the seasons, I feel the need to change up some things in my life:  hense the blog.  I have recently taken to journaling as a way of expressing the swarms of thoughts floating through my head - dreams, plans, regrets, desires, gratitude - the whole shebang.  Truth be told, I have a lovely life.  I have a husband, Evan, two cuddly and spazzy dogs, Max and Chloe, an affinity for chai lattes and anything rustic.  I work full time as a physical therapy aide - It's not my dream job, but it's A job so I try to keep my mouth shut from complaining and instead express my gratitude for it.  You may be wondering now what my dream job actually is.  To be honest, I'm not actually sure.  I'm certified to teach history for grades 6-12, but I don't know that this is something that I could do for the next thirty years.  What I WOULD love to do is create and sell anything and everything: furniture, home decor, books, clothing, recipes - you  name it, I probably have my fingers in it.  As for now, I do my projects on the side and try to enjoy the job that enables me to afford my materials.  Hopefully, this blog will enable me to showcase some of my creations (as great or as inadequate as they might be) while also showcasing my life as a wife, a daughter, and a mother of my two pups.

And now, for the introductory pictures:

Chloe and Max:  They love each other so much. 

 Me and Evan at our rehearsal dinner surrounded by some of our best friends.  Don't judge the "Proof!"

My family on our last vacation together (2010)